I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
