Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Randomize
