Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
FUCK WHALES
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
