just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
