That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
