We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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