Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
