My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
