i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
