is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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