it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
