So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
