Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
