so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
