I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You were trust falling into bushes
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
