You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
