I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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