Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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