i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
