she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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