Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
