Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
