fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
