just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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