I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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