how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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