How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
