he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
