I have demons in me.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
ok first of all what the fuck
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
