He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How does it feel to date your dad?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
