I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
