I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
