"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
