I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
