Swine flu is the new snow day.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
how does that bad decision feel?
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