Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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