i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
