I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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