I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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