Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
