I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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