he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
