I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
