i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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