remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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