i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
