i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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