They should really pass out barf bags in church
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
