This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
