the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
