His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
