i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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