We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
